My new found home

I think this weekend, aside from all the emotional and mental breakdowns, was one of the best in awhile. I got to spend most of my time with the family that I truly and sadly love more than my own. These people mean the world to me. No one understands nor will they every fully understand how much they have done for me and how much I will always look up to them for giving me a place to call home. The best moment of my weekend was seeing Kathryn's eyes light up when she saw I was wearing the ring they bought me as a going away gift with the kids' birthstone so I would always have a part of them. She saw it and the smile on her face was priceless. It made me realize how much they look up to me. That simple joy put me in a better mood for the rest of the weekend. :) I miss them right now more then anything and I honestly cannot wait to spend Thanksgiving with them because for once in a very long time, I will be with the family I belong with. :) <3

one of these days...

one of these days I might learn to put the past behind me and forget about how much you have hurt me...but i will never forgive..
one of these days I might stop caring about what you think of me and just focus on doing things for me...but I won't because i will always be searching for your acceptance...
one of these days I will try to tell my kids how great you were...how much you influenced me in everything i did...but I won't tell them you influenced me to rebel...
one of these days I might come to terms with the fact that you will never be who I have always wanted you to be...
...and one of these days I might stop wishing I had what others have...

but let's be honest....none of that will ever happen. if you can't change, then I can't change my feelings...to me you will always be someone I was forced to love...not someone I chose to love...

you may have been able to give me those great oppurtunities...but you were never able to complete the puzzle...you gave me the pieces and left me to put it together myself...i know you think i can do that...but i can't. my whole life i've been searching for those last few pieces...and I have yet to find them. without your faith, without your acceptance, and without your complete trust in me...i won't ever be able to find those last pieces. because of you...i have missed out on life. i have missed the things that truely matter...family. you have forced me to have to make my own seperate family. and for that....well for that i can thank you for...because without my sister...idk what i would do.

Peace...serenity....this is where I am...dreaming of all I can be, thinking of all I can accomplish, and praying for all of God's Guidance...life is good.